Whats a top in gay relationship
What Does “Top” Mean?
In the context of gay relationships and sexual dynamics, terms such as “top”, “bottom”, “verse” and “side” are often used to depict a person’s sexual preferences and roles. It is vital to knowing these terms not only for members of the LGBTQ+ society, but also for increasing understanding and acceptance of homosexual relationships in society.
What Does “Top” Mean?Physical AspectsEmotional and Psychological AspectsCommunication and ConsentWhat Does “Bottom” Mean?Physical AspectsEmotional and Psychological AspectsThe Stigma Around Being a BottomWhat Does “Verse” Mean?Accepting DiversityCommunication and CompatibilityWhat Does “Side” Mean?Non-Penetrative IntimacyOpposing NormsAccepting One’s IdentityRoles and MythsHealth and Safety During Gay Sex
As a rule, in same-sex attracted sexual relationships, the “top” is the partner who has a penetrative role during anal sex. However, the idea of top includes much more than just physical actions: it includes a whole set of attitudes, preferences, and sometimes emotional roles.
Physical Aspects
In physical terms, the top in a gay sexual relationship is the partner performing the penetration. This may include the employ
After a solid five-year sprint in a somewhat monogam-ish relationship, I find myself emerging on the other side as a 30-year-old single guy, clueless about how to jump assist into the dating game. Initially, I avoided digital dating apps, drowning my sorrows in Long Island iced teas, surviving emotional meltdowns at wild house parties, and well, tending to my own business solo. But with time, my heart healed, and I decided to dip my toes (and thumbs) into the online dating world.
Though I haven’t had any dates yet, I’ve explored these apps, and assume what? Not much has changed since my last dating venture. There’s still an abundance of headless torsos and greetings that march in like they own the place. Once you log in, you’ll scroll, swipe, or heart your way through an endless parade of twinks, twunks, bears, daddies, and more! However, when it comes to selecting your preferred positions for sex – something gay men take very seriously – the choices have always been the traditional “top,” “bottom,” or “verse.”
Then, love a beacon of curiosity, the term “side” kept popping up, catching my eye. At first, I imagined
Rise of the sides: how Grindr finally recognized gay men who aren’t tops or bottoms
Every month, nearly 11 million gay men around the world depart on the Grindr app to watch for sex with other men. Once there, they can scroll through an endless stream of guys, from handsome to homely, bear to twink. Yet when it comes to choosing positions for sex – a crucial criterion for most homosexual men – the possibilities have lengthy been simply foremost and bottom. The only other preference available toggles between those roles: verse (for versatile).
“Not fitting those roles has made it really tough to locate someone,” said Jeremiah Hein, 38, of Long Beach, California. “There’s no category to choose from.”
“Whenever I’d look at those choices I’d think, ‘I’m none of those things,’” said Shai Davidi, 51, of Tel Aviv, Israel. “I felt there must be something improper with me.”
Last month, however, that finally changed. In mid-May, Grindr added a position called side, a designation that upends the binary that has historically dominated gay male culture. Sides are men who identify fulfillment in every kind of sexual act except anal penetration. Instead, a broad range of oral, manual and frictional body techniques provide
Does this hairy face watch like a “pitcher” or “catcher” to you? Image via.
I try to abstain from making assumptions about the sex being of other people – because sometimes looks can be deceiving. The tiny old lady pushing her grocery cart might, against all expectations, like it rough in the sack. The burly, catcalling construction worker could enjoy chamomile cuddle sessions with his special someone rather than jackhammering any piece of tail that walks by. Everyone has sex – except nuns and rollerbladers – and outward appearances aren’t always a dependable window into a person’s intimate preferences. At least that’s what I’ve always thought.
After reading a paper from researchers at the University of Toronto, which was released last month, I might contain to rethink that, ahem, position. Dr. Nicholas O. Rule and Konstantin Tskhay asked 23 people to guess the sexual inclinations of 200 gay men based on neutral photographs of their faces. Same-sex attracted men, scientists have shown, tend to self-identify as one of three sexual types: “top,” taking on the insertive role; “bottom,” being a receiver; and “versatile,” enjoying both sexual roles. It’s also been documented that sexual favor
Gaymenare constantly referring to and defining themselves as "tops" or "bottoms." When they consider dating or simply hooking up, gay men typically ask the other guy whether he's a top, a bottom or "versatile." It's important to find this out as soon as possible, because if you are planning to date or receive into a relationship, it's vitally important that you and he be sexually compatible with each other.
The whole issue of tops and bottoms came up recently with the release of a fresh study that looked at whether or not people can determine whether a gay man is a top or a bottom just by looking at facial cues. The review revealed that judgments made about whether an individual is a top or a bottom are based on perceived masculine and feminine traits.
There's so much talk and discussion about who gives and who receives. I've had straight people tell me that they assumed that most gay guys simply take turns. Yes, some do, but most don't. But what if a guy isn't a superior, a bottom or even versatile? What about male lover men who have never engaged in anal sex and never will, ever?
I think they earn a name of their own. I call them "sides."
Defining a Side
Sides choose to k